New Players on Poker Night!
by Mugiwara Gorillaz
Summary: Chapter Two, and we have Alice Liddel  American McGee's Alice , Nico Robin  One Piece , Scott Pilgrim, and Ren Hoek  The Ren and Stimpy Show ! Lemme know what you think!
1. Wario, Zim, Nami, and Daxter

**Poker Night at the Inventory belongs to Telltale Games. Winslow and everything else related to Monkey Island belong to LucasArts. Wario, Tatanga, Daisy, and everything else related to Mario or Wario belong to Nintendo. Invader Zim, the series' titular character, and everything else related to the show belong to Nickelodeon (I'd prefer they belong to Jhonen Vasquez, though; he DID essentially create the show). Nami and everything else related to One Piece belong to Eiichiro Oda. Jak, Daxter, and everything else related to their series belong to Sony Computer Entertainment America and Naughty Dog. The Heavy and Team Fortress 2 belong to Valve. Sam, Max, and everything else related to their comics, games, and animated series belong to Steve Purcell.  
**

**Let me know, in the reviews, if you want to see more characters. If I recognize the character(s) (and it wouldn't be illegal or out-of-character for the character(s) to gamble), I can put them in this fiction (and believe me, they don't have to be very well-known).**** Also, for the first part of this chapter, Poker terms will be in all-caps.****  
**

Four people sat in the Inventory, all around the Poker table.

But these weren't the four that people had come to expect after _Poker Night at the Inventory_ was released. No, these were four different characters.

One of them was Wario, an obese man wearing purple overalls with white buttons; a yellow t-shirt and cap (the latter of which had a purple, stylized "W" emblazoned on it); comparably (and comically) tiny green shoes with pointed, upturned toes; and a pair of white gloves, each emblazoned with a purple, stylized "W" emblazoned on it. Wario was an ugly customer, having a cleft chin; an enormous grin that emanated greed; a crooked, black mustache that looked a bit like a series of "w's"; a bulbous, pink nose; burly, muscular arms in spite of his overweight torso; sneaky-looking eyes that seemed to suggest that their master didn't get enough sleep; big black eyebrows that complimented his villainous eyes; brown hair, the sideburns sneaking out from under his cap; and pointed, elf-like ears.

Sitting next to him was a short, strange-looking creature. It looked somewhat like a bug, what with the big red compound eyes and black antennae, but otherwise, it was hard to tell what he was. But, in fact, he was an alien, an Irken by the name of Zim. Anyone who had learned this about him would agree that it makes sense; he did, after all, have some typical alien features, including green skin. Zim also had a strange, oval metal object attached to his back called a PAK. This PAK is what kept him alive. Besides these oddities, Zim had a strange set of teeth that looked somewhat like a pair of band saws, and behind the set in the lower jaw lay a tongue that looked like an earthworm. Zim's attire was also strange. It consisted of what looked like a magenta shirt/dress (with pink sleeves and black pinstripes); a pair of black pants; and black elbow-length gloves and boots.

The next player (if one were to go clockwise around the table) was the most normal-looking of the players, and even she had a couple of interesting physical features. She was a girl, 18 years old, who was rather curvaceous (she certainly was a popular girl) and had orange, shoulder-length hair. She was wearing a black, sleeveless shirt with the word "GOLD" emblazoned across the chest, and it bore her midriff (revealed her navel, in case you were wondering). She was also wearing a white pair of jeans, her usual bracelet and Log Pose compass on her left wrist, and high-heeled sandals. Finally, on her left shoulder, one could see a blue tattoo that was meant to look like a cross between a pinwheel and a tangerine.

At last, the fourth character was the smallest one in the group, and an unusual creature indeed. He was a creature known as an Ottsel, an otter/weasel hybrid, and his name was Daxter. He was covered in orange and yellow fur and had big eyes; a small, brown nose; long, oddly rabbit-like ears; and a long, thin body. He wore relatively little clothing (not that he needed it); his entire attire consisted of a pair of goggles, a pair of black fingerless gloves, and a pair of jean shorts.

These four characters from video games (or at least who have APPEARED in video games) were here to play No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em Poker, for tonight was Poker Night.

They were about to place their bets, when...

"Ahem! Gentlemen! Madame!"

The four turned to the source of the British-accented voice.

The source was Winslow, a short and stout, yet somehow imposing man, with the spirit of the Saturday evening radiating from him. His skin was deeply tanned, and coupled with the sailor hat proudly adorned upon his head, suggested he was a man of the sea. His red robe had a crocodile leather pattern, which remained sophisticated despite being so obviously fake, and a white dress shirt was loosely hidden beneath the pompous scarlet. His nose was slightly bulbous, and his cheeks gave the image of him constantly smiling – though it was difficult to tell if this was voluntary or just being a good host, but he was the latter. The man had thick brown facial hair running from his sideburns and across the top of his lips, giving him an excessive handlebar moustache, and his eyes were as dark as rich mahogany.

"I hope there is room at the table for a fifth," he said, indicating the person behind him.

_Author's Note: This person is the Player, in case you were wondering._

"Heh-ha!" Wario said in his gruff, Italian-accented voice as he rubbed his gloved hands together, "More-a money!"

As the new person walked up some steps to the Poker table, Winslow announced, "Tonight's stakes will be ten thousand dollars." He turned to the others. "I trust that you all have made the proper calculations?" All the characters came from places that used different currencies than dollars and cents.

"I know how to translate Beri to dollars and cents," Nami reassured the host, putting her billfold on the table, "Don't worry about it." She came from a world that used a currency known as Beri.

"I'm-a wonder how many gold coins I'll-a make offa DIS-a money?" Wario wondered aloud, putting his own billfold on the table.

"Have no fear, seafaring human," Zim said in a melodramatic voice, dramatically putting his money into the POT, "for I have been using Earth's currency for years!" His voice had a slightly high pitch.

"I'm all ready for this," Daxter said in his rather distinctive, hard-to-describe voice, "Jak's got a lot of money on 'im; he won't miss what I'm betting." He then tossed his (and Jak's) own money in.

"Very well," Winslow said. Then he explained to the player, "The game is No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em! I will periodically raise the BLINDS. May the best player win!"

* * *

"You're an alien, right?" Wario asked Zim as he CALLED the Player's $200 BLIND.

"Yes," Zim replied without thinking. Then, realizing what he said, he quickly added, "B-But I'm not a threat to your planet! I'm just, er, curious."

As he CALLED the Player's BLIND, everyone else gave him an odd look.

Everyone else but Wario. "Eh, whatever," he replied while Nami was CALLING the Player's BLIND, "You just-a remind me of an alien that-a worked-a for me, that's all."

This seemed to catch Zim's attention; his eyes widened in interest.

"His name-a was-a Tatanga," Wario continued, as Daxter CALLED his own $100 BLIND, "Kept a certain-a plumber distracted while I took over his-a land."

"The alien's?" Daxter asked as the Player CHECKED his/her cards.

"No, the plumber's."

Zim seemed a bit worried. "Hm... Did this Tatanga ever mention wanting to take over the Earth?"

"Nah," Wario replied, "he just-a had his sights-a set on a girl-a name-a Daisy." He rolled his eyes.

"I see," Zim replied. _Good,_ he thought, _The Tallest do not need any competition._

What Zim didn't know was that the world Wario lived in was called the Mushroom World, not Earth._  
_

Anyhow, the FLOP was revealed: a 5 of Clubs, a 3 of Diamonds, and a 4 of Clubs.

The Player smirked and made a bet of $1,000.

Wario looked at his cards, and his expression changed to one of disgust. "Wah, I'm-a hate-a the FLOP!" He FOLDED.

Zim, on the other hand, replied, "Zim fears no bet such as that! I CALL!"

_Author's Note: OK, now I'll keep the Poker terms in lower case letters._

Nami, being a more cautious gambler, decided, "I'd better fold. See you boys next hand!"

"Nice bet, kid," Daxter complimented the Player coolly, "but I think it could be _bigger!_" With that, he saw the Player's bet and raised it $600!

The Player wasn't worried; he just called Daxter's raise.

So did Zim. "Call," he hissed.

Daxter cocked an eyebrow at him. "Do you know how to play this game?"

Zim seemed offended. "Are you questioning my ability to learn, little animal?" he growled.

"No! Jeez, I was just asking!"

Then came the turn: a 2 of Diamonds.

Zim looked over at Nami. "Your hair is an unusual color, human."

The Player waited for the conversation to be over; he was interested in these.

"What?" Nami asked, "I was born with this hair color!"

"Interesting," Zim responded, "I've seen other humans with unusual hair color, but in their cases, the color was artificial." He eyed the Straw Hat Pirates' navigator suspiciously. "Were you born near radiation of any kind?"

Before Nami could answer, Daxter decided to butt in. "Hey, mutant or not, I know two things: She's stacked and she's a red-head! Yum!" Yes, even animals were charmed by this girl.

Zim was not familiar with the term "stacked". "Stacked?" he echoed, then jumped up so he was standing on his chair and pointed at Daxter accusingly, "YOU LIE! I see no blocks!"

Needless to say, Nami was embarrassed by this dialogue; she was blushing. "**Can we just get back to the game?**" she shouted.

The others stared at her in surprise. Zim then climbed back down off of his chair, and he and Daxter simultaneously said, "OK."

Seeing that the exchange was over, the Player made his decision: Check.

Zim cackled. "A check will not stop ZIM!"

Now it was Zim's turn. "...Oh, all right," he muttered, "Check."

"All right," Daxter said, tapping his own checking chip, "Show us the next card."

Now the final card, the river, was revealed: a 9 of Diamonds.

Zim grinned, bearing his bizarre set of teeth. "FEAR MY BET OF DOOOM!" he roared as he tossed $2,000 into the pot.

Daxter looked at Zim's bet, then looked at his own cards. The truth was, he had a pair of 5's, but he had a feeling Zim had a good hand.

Then again, Zim didn't know how to play.

"I'll take you on!" Daxter replied, grinning and calling Zim's bet.

The Player was also put off by Zim's bet. He considered his options.

He decided to call as well.

Now it was time to reveal the hole cards.

Zim had a 7 of Diamonds and a 9 of Spades.

Daxter had a Jack of Hearts and a 5 of Diamonds.

The Player had two Kings; one of Spades, and one of Hearts.

"Damn," Daxter muttered when he saw his hand compared to the others.

Winslow looked at each character's cards. "Zim has...a pair of 9's! Daxter has...a pair of 5's. The Player has...a pair of Kings! The Player wins the hand!"

The Player proudly raked in the money. He now had $20,000.

Zim glared at the Player. "You win THIS time, human... You win THIS time..."

* * *

As the next hand was dealed, Nami caught Daxter looking at her, ahem, "merchandise" while Zim called Wario's $200 Blind. Needless to say, Nami was unimpressed, but she put on a convincing smile.

"OK," she told Daxter, "a look at 'them'-"

At the word "them", a man named Bosco screamed from the other side of the room. Everyone looked at him before going back to the game.

"-costs 1,000,000 Berries," Nami finished.

She lost Dax at this point. "Huh?"

"That's $10,000," she explained, calling Wario's Blind.

The Ottsel flinched. "GAH! Nooo thanks, sista!"

To get his mind off of Nami's body, he looked down at his cards. He scratched his ear in thought. "Um... Calling." He tossed in some chips.

The Player then called his own $100 Blind.

Now it was Wario's turn. "I'm-a better keep-a the money I have! Check!"

That's when the flop was revealed: a 9 and a 7 of Clubs, and a Queen of Hearts.

Zim looked at his cards, then at the flop. "Thinking," he said in a mellow voice, and then he shouted in a voice that seemed to be trying to imitate a monster truck commercial narrator, "THINKING!"

Everyone else flinched. "Geez, Zim, chill out!" Daxter advised.

Then Zim made his decision. "I bet...that none of you know enough about your own world! (dramatic gasp) Check."

Nami looked at the flop thoughtfully. "Should _**I**_ make a bet, then...? Nah, I love money too much to spend it THIS early. Check."

Daxter grinned. "I bet!" he exclaimed, tossing $1,500 into the pot. "Can you guys call this one without goin' broke!"

Surprised, the Player looked at his cards. He folded.

Wario, however, was more confident. "I have-a faced-a monsters-a that were-a goin' to take over the world-a had-a they not-a made-a the mistake of MESSING-A WITH-A **ME**! I'm-a not afraid of your-a bet!" With that, he called Zim's bet.

Nami also seemed to be pretty confident. "Calling."

Now it was time to show the turn: a 6 of Clubs.

Daxter grinned at the flop. Apparently, he thought he had some good cards.

"Check," Zim said.

"Check," Nami said.

"BETTING!" Daxter announced, tossing $1000 into the pot.

Wario rolled his eyes; it seems Daxter forgot what he told him earlier. "I'm-a call."

Zim called as well, but Nami sadly folded. "Ohh, and these were good ones, too..."

At last, the river came around: a 7 of Hearts.

As Zim angrily folded, Daxter looked over Wario curiously. "You look familiar..." he stated.

Wario had heard this before, and he didn't like it. "NO, I AM-A NOT MARIO!" he growled through clenched teeth in annoyance.

"Huh? No, no, no, you just remind me of Krew if he'd grown a mustache..." His expression turned to one of disgust. "...and...lost a buncha weight... Ughhh... 'Course, that's not sayin' much, considering you're still fat."

"Hey, I'm-a not fat!" Wario protested, then he flexed one of his muscular arms. "This is all-a muscle!"

Taking his mind off of that conversation, Daxter grinned again, and made a bet of $2000!

Wario was shocked. If Daxter was _that_ confident in his cards...then what would it mean for the ugly treasure-hunter's precious money if he called?

"...Wah," Wario sighed, "you drive a hard-a bargain, you little rodent." He folded.

"Daxter wins the hand!" Winslow exclaimed.

Daxter jumped up onto the table to rake in the chips. "Whoo! I dedicate this one to all the ladies!"

Daxter had raked in $10,500, and this topped his wallet off at $12,000!

_Author's note: The rest of this will concentrate on the conversations, not the game._

* * *

Now the next hand was dealt.

"You said-a you're a pirate?" Wario asked Nami.

"Uh, yeah," was Nami's response.

"And-a you like-a money?"

Beri signs appeared in Nami's eyes, and she grinned. "DO I? Money makes the world go 'round!"

"I'm-a guessin' that includes-a treasures?"

"Mm-hm! Why do you ask?"

Wario seemed displeased. "Bleah... You sound-a too much-a like-a Captain-a Syrup." He then eyed Nami suspiciously. "You're-a not a part o' her crew, are you?"

Nami was surprised by the fact that there was someone so similar to her. "Uh, no! I'm the navigator for the Straw Hat Pirates; just ask my captain, Luffy. I think he's upstairs."

Wario didn't seem too reassured. "Hmm..."

* * *

"What manner of Earth creature are you?" Zim asked Daxter curiously.

"Actually," Daxter replied, "I'm not from Earth."

"EH?"

"Me and Jak are from this planet called Haven," Dax explained, standing proudly on his chair, "I'm a hero there, loved by all the girls! Jak is my ever-present sidekick."

"I see," Zim said, intrigued, "I, too, am highly respected on my planet!"

But what Zim didn't know was that he was, in facted, loathed by the citizens of Irk, and Daxter? He was just bragging.

"In fact," Zim continued, "the Almighty Tallest, the leaders on my planet, sent me here on a special mission: to TAKE OVE-" Zim stopped himself, looking around at the surprised players. "Uh, that is, to...take...samples...of Earth's flora and fauna for research..."

Daxter cocked an eyebrow at Zim. Even as aliens go, Zim was WEIRD.

* * *

_Author's Note: In the following conversation (and ONLY the following conversation), I am the Player.  
_

"Hey, Zim," I asked the Irken, "are there any giant monsters on your home planet?"

"Er, only specimens we take for research, human..." Zim replied uneasily. I had the feeling it was to test weapons out on or something, but I didn't say anything about that.

Instead, I asked, "Like...?"

"I don't know; before I got to see any, the research tanks were destroyed."

_By him, no doubt,_ I thought, _considering how clumsy he was back then, and maybe STILL is, not to mention his little rampage in that giant robot._

"Why do you ask?" Zim asked me.

"I study giant monsters," I explained, "like Godzilla, the King of the Monsters; King Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World; Gamera, Guardian of the Universe (apparently)..." Here, I decided to pull a little mischief on Nami. Damned if I didn't grin. "...Kumonga the giant spider..."

Now Nami had a phobia of creepy-crawlies, and spiders were no exception. Her eyes widened in fear, and I think I saw her get goosebumps. "...G-Giant...spider...?" she echoed.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "I wouldn't worry, Nami," I reassured her, "I don't think Kumonga's real."

"God, I hope not!"

Daxter seemed to see this as a pick-up opportunity, so he coolly said, "Y'know, Nami, if it's any consolation, I happen to be in the bug-killing business."

* * *

_The Player is now someone else again._

"Zim has been eliminated from play," Winslow stated sadly.

It was true; Zim had gone all in, confident that he could get by with two Pairs, and Nami's Straight Flush had beaten everyone else's cards.

Zim immediately went into Big Ham mode and shouted to the sky, "CURSE YOU, CARDS! CURSE YOOOOUUUU...!" He paused, ashamed of his loss, then walked away and up the stairs, probably to find GIR.

* * *

"Daxter has been eliminated from play."

Daxter had been trying to bluff, and this proved fatal to his wallet. Wario had beaten everyone with his Straight.

The Ottsel looked frightened. "Aw, crap. Jak isn't gonna be happy..." Hesitantly, he hopped out of his chair and walked over to another nearby table (the same table that the Heavy would've sat at after getting eliminated). Dax hid behind the walls surrounding the table, probably from Jak.

* * *

"Wario has been eliminated from play."

It was a close one this time. Wario went all in with a Straight Flush, but Nami went all in with (get this!) a **ROYAL** FLUSH!

"**NOOOO!**" Wario wailed, "All-a that-a beautiful-a money...!" With that, he pulled his yellow cap over his eyes to sob, and then sadly walked away to the bar.

Nami reacted to the scene with a sweatdrop. She didn't know what to make of it.

* * *

It was close. The Player and Nami were at what would turn out to be the last hand for the night.

Nami's turn. She grinned. "I believe I'll go all in," she said, shoving her chips forward.

The Player knew that Nami wouldn't go all in unless she had a REALLY good hand. For once, however, the mysterious Poker expert decided to go all in, as well, and this surprised Nami.

"Oh, my God!" she squealed at the sight of all that money, and her eyes turned into Beri signs.

Now it was time to show the cards. On the table were a Jack, King, and Ace of Spades.

Nami revealed her cards: a Queen and 10 of Spades!

"Nami has...A ROYAL FLUSH!" Winslow announced with much aplomb.

The Player was taken off guard. Sadly, he revealed his cards.

"The Player has...a Straight Flush! Nami wins the tournament!"

As Nami raked in the chips, she was laughing happily enough to put a hyena to shame. "Thanks for the money, guys~!" she bid her Poker playmates cheerfully.

The only response she got was a collective and frustrated groan from the four of them.

* * *

**Bonus Conversation (non-canon to this story)**

Now Max was sitting at the Poker table alongside the other five.

"You know," he said, "I noticed something, Daxter."

"What's that?" the Ottsel asked.

"Our voices sound an awful lot alike, and we're both small, furry animals." Here, the crazy lagomorph grinned excitedly. "Do you think we're related somehow?"

"I doubt it, Max," Daxter said, "I live on a planet called Haven, and THIS planet is YOUR home."

Max's smile did not wilt. "Oh, I don't know," he said, "you'd be surprised how many aliens are involved in me and Sam's lives, so I wouldn't rule out the theory that you're my cousin who was taken from Earth by aliens when you were a baby."

Daxter's response was a cocked eyebrow, and, "Oookay..."

* * *

**END**


	2. Alice, Robin, Scott, Ren

**Poker Night at the Inventory belongs to Telltale Games. Winslow and everything else related to Monkey Island belong to LucasArts. The version of Alice Liddel featured in this chapter belongs to American McGee. Nico Robin belongs to Eiichiro Oda. Scott Pilgrim belongs to Bryan Lee O'Malley. Ren Hoek belongs to John Kricfalusi (or at least he should, rather than belonging to Nickelodeon).**

**Don't ask me to put any more characters into this yet; I've got a lot on my plate for this fic.**

**Like Nami in the last chapter, the Nico Robin in this fic is the pre-timeskip one.**

* * *

**_Author's Note: Sorry I took so long, guys. I needed help for Scott's characterization. Hopefully, it was enough... Well, at any rate, enjoy!_**

* * *

Sitting around the table tonight, besides the player, were Alice Liddel, Nico Robin, Scott Pilgrim, and Ren Hoek.

Alice was a young woman with dark-brown hair and emerald green eyes. She wore a pale blue knee-length dress with a white pinafore overtop; the dress hid a pair of black, knee-length boots. This was a matured (and at one time, darker) version of the same Alice that had visited Wonderland when she was very young. After her adventures through another strange land, Looking-Glass Land, her parents were burned alive in a fire, and poor Alice was stricken with grief. Distraught, she fell into a catatonic state after a failed suicide attempt and was condemned to Rutledge Asylum for treatment. There she remained for roughly 10 years faced with her own survivor's guilt, and mistreatment by other patients at Rutledge ...

...until one night, when the White Rabbit beckoned her to Wonderland to undo the wicked deformities brought on by the dictatorship of the malevolent Queen of Hearts. She later discovered that by overthrowing the Queen of Hearts, Alice would not only save Wonderland, but her own sanity as well. Fortunately, she walked out of her fight with the Queen, victorious. Wonderland returned to its original state, as did its inhabitants, and Alice left the sunny gates of Rutledge Asylum accompanied by her cat Dinah and carrying a packed suitcase.

Sadly, this was not to last, because after leaving Rutledge Asylum, Alice was moved to a psychiatrist in London, the move making her insanity worse and Wonderland being warped a second time. Nobody knows exactly what happened then, but here she was at the Inventory, apparently living a better life. _Mostly_, considering she was gambling at the moment.

Nico Robin (Robin for short) was a tall, slender yet athletic woman with shoulder length black hair. At 28 years old, she was probably the oldest member at the table. Her eyes were brown with dark, wide pupils, and a very characteristic plain nose. She had eaten a Devil Fruit, a fruit that gives the first person to eat it some sort of ability such as turning into an animal or an element of nature, or some other kind of superpower. Robin ate the Flower-Flower Fruit, which gave her the ability to sprout body parts from anywhere. She usually sprouted arms, but she also made eyes and ears appear. Her limbs were somewhat long, especially her legs, contributing greatly to both her fighting capabilities (given the nature of her powers) and overall height, as well as a narrow waist. She was currently wearing a black outfit consisting of a white cowboy hat, a cleavage-revealing sleeveless shirt, with a wide, yellow collar covered with black concentric circle motifs, matching pants reaching down to her calves, and high-heeled shoes. She also had a string of round and yellow ornaments that hung loosely from around her waist.

Scott Pilgrim was a young man, 23 years old, with large eyes and light brown, shaggy hair. He wore a grey t-shirt with the words "GAMER" in electronic-looking green letters emblazoned across the chest and baggy jeans. He was probably, arguably, the most plain dresser in the group. He was a strange lad, though, because he saw himself as flawless and perfect when it came to relationships, blaming any problems in said relationships on the other and repressing any flaws he had, completely forgetting his mistakes and all the bad things he'd done in a relationship. This unusual attitude meant Scott usually got over breakups very quickly, but unfortunately, his continued rejection of his flaws were causing them to manifest themselves into a negative form...

Ren Hoek was the one animal at the table. He was an Asthma Hound Chihuahua with a coat-or rather, jacket-of light brown fur, and he looked emaciated. His eyes were pink, and bloodshot, and he had a tiny nub where a pink, rat-like tail once was. He had long ears and a small pink nose sitting at the end of a small muzzle. He had been described as being greedy, insane, delusional, paranoid, violent and insecure (in short, mentally unstable). Although he had, several times, threatened his feline friend, an obese Cornish Rex named Stimpy, with bodily violence due to constantly getting annoyed with his stupidity, Ren did care for Stimpy. He would often say "You eediot" (the pronunciation due to sounding a lot like Peter Lorre) and _What is your problem, you sick little monkey!_ variations thereof.

* * *

"I've heard that you can make arms appear from anywhere," asked Alice.

Robin turned to the insane teenaged British girl sitting next to her. "Yes. You see, I ate something called a Devil Fruit. The one I ate was the Flower-Flower Fruit." To demonstrate, she sprouted an arm out of the table. Alice, having seen more bizarre things in Wonderland, wasn't as affected as Scott and Ren were; Ren jumped up onto the back of his chair in fright, letting out a high-pitched scream, and Scott was shocked and amazed.

"Okay, that is DAMN cool!" he commented, "And more than a lil' bit freaky." Then he realized something. "Wait. You're not gonna sprout eyes to look at our cards, are you?"

Robin chuckled. "Now where's the fun in that?"

Alice seemed relieved, actually. "I'm just thankful you don't do it the way the Red Queen of Hearts does. Disgusting abomination of a villain..."

* * *

"Scott," Robin asked the young man next to her, "what can you tell me about this world, Earth?"

"Hell if _I_ know," was Scott's answer, "I'm a rocker and a gamer, not a geographer. All I do know about my world is my neighborhood in Toronto, Canada. I'm hoping I'll travel with my band, the Sex Bob-Ombs, but I'm not getting my hopes up. Seriously, worst band ever."

* * *

"Uh, Ren?" Scott asked, "What kind of animal are you? I can't tell."

Ren fumed. "I'm an Asthma-Hound Chihuahua," he replied through gritted teeth. Too many people have asked him this question already. "Here," he said, pulling out a roll of paper from his hammerspace, "see for yourself." It was a certificate of birth, and sure enough, it confirmed his breed as an Asthma-Hound Chihuahua.

"Never heard of 'em," Scott said, "Do they, like, sniff out people with asthma or something?"

"No," Ren answered a little more tactfully, "my breed HAS asthma. Or at least, it's supposed to. I, however, can smoke a cigarette without any problems." With that, he took out a cig and lit it...only to suffer a hacking cough. He quickly put it out on the table, to Winslow's irritation. There was an awkward silence, Ren fuming as Scott stared at him. "...Don't you say a word," he finally warned, pointing at the boy.

* * *

"So why are _you_ playing, Alice?" Scott asked, "I never would've taken you for the gambling type."

"I think it better not to tell you that," Alice replied.

Robin whispered, "Didn't you say you wanted to buy a knife to defeat whatever evil remains in your Wonderland?"

"Yes," Alice whispered back, "but please don't tell them that. I only told you because I trust that you can keep it a secret. I've had enough of being bullied for my Wonderland."

Robin sighed. Alice was _still_ somewhat mad, but she had a hero complex that kept her from committing any actual crimes. This didn't keep the archaeologist from worrying. "All right."

* * *

"I take it you have friends that you like to spend time with?" Robin asked Ren.

The chihuahua smiled. "Yeah, my pal, Stimpy. He's an eediot, but he doesn't ask for anything in return for doing him a favor." His smile departed as he muttered, "Still have to knock him around once in a while, though..."

Robin chuckled. "Sounds like someone **I** know."

* * *

"Ren has been eliminated from play," Winslow announced.

The Asthma-Hound Chihuahua was trying **very** hard not to lose his cool. He even put on a Stepford Smile. "Don't hurt anyone, Ren," he told himself through clenched teeth, his fake smile threatening to give way, "just..._walk_...**awayyyyy...!**"

Thankfully, Ren kept his cool until he was in a different room. Nobody is sure what happened after that, but there were no serious injuries caused by Ren.

* * *

"Scott has been eliminated from play."

"Okay, I think I'd better check for mirrors or something," Scott said, "No way I could've lost otherwise!" With that, Scott began walking around the room, searching for cheating implements.

* * *

Soon, it was just Alice and Robin. Both had gone All In. The cards on the table were a Six of Spades, a Six of Clubs, and a King, Six, and Ten of Hearts

The two women revealed their hole cards.

Alice had a Queen and a Three of Hearts.

"Alice has...a Flush!" Winslow announced.

Robin had a King of Diamonds and a Three of Spades.

"Robin has...a Full House!"

"Hm, that was a good hand," Robin complimented, "but luck was not on your side tonight, it seems."

"Robin wins the tournament!"

Robin chuckled pleasantly. "That was fun," she said, using some extra arms she sprouted from the table to push the chips in the pot towards her, "Normally, our navigator is blessed with this sort of luck."

"I commend your good luck," Alice told Robin, then looked away, a bit embarassed. "I just wish I could say the same for the Red Queen..."

* * *

**Bonus Conversation****s**

Now, two different characters sat with Alice: Max, the rabbit-like lagomorph that featured in the previous Bonus Conversation segment and half of the Freelance Police (the other half being an anthropomorphic brown dog named Sam); and the Heavy Weapons Guy, an enormous Russian mercenary that possessed an obsession with guns and who worked for Reliable Excavations and Demolitions (RED, for short).

"Hey, Alice," said Max, "I don't suppose you have any spare knives?"

Alice looked at Max suspiciously. "...Why do you ask?"

"Well," Max explained, "I figure if some hoodlum somehow takes my gun away and I can't use my razor-sharp teeth or crippling adorability, I should have something else up my sleeve to dish out justice."

Alice thought for a bit. "I still need my Vorpal Blade... Perhaps you would like my Vorpal Cleaver?"

"A cleaver!" Max almost screamed, "I CAN HAVE A **CLEAVER?** Ohhh my God~! Sam never let me have a cleaver!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "I wonder why..." Max was a little TOO eager to get weapons, she had noticed sometime after being introduced to him by The Player.

* * *

"Tycho told me you have machine gun."

Alice looked up at the Heavy, confused. "...Machine...gun?" There were no such weapons in Victorian-Era London by that name.

"Yes," the Russian man answered, "It looks like pepper grinder?"

"Ah, yes! The Duchess' Pepper Grinder!" Alice realized, "I see. But I've never heard of a 'machine gun'."

The Heavy grinned. He loved talking about this kind of weapon. "Is great weapon! There are many kinds! You have Pepper Grinder with you, or at least picture?"

"Well, I _did_ bring the original advertisement," Alice said, searching the pockets of her dress. She fished out an old piece of paper, the advertisement, and handed it to the Heavy.

The mercenary looked at the pictured weapon curiously. "You seem to have early kind of machine gun. Crank-operated Gatling gun."

"Ah, Gatling guns. _Those_, I have heard of."

"How big is Pepper Grinder? Tycho says is big."

"I need both arms to lift it, if that's what you mean."

Heavy grinned, now more curious than ever. "You should bring gun sometime."

Alice smiled; many people assumed the Heavy was simple-minded just because he was big and didn't speak English fluently. It was just as her father told her, "Never judge a book by its cover."

"I'll try to remember."

**END**


End file.
